Take a moment and think about female orgasms. If this makes you feel uncomfortable, you are not alone! This is just one of the many female health topics still shrouded in stigma and taboo. Ladies often have many questions about their sexual wellness but might not be sure where they should begin and just the mere thought of female orgasms probably opens up a wealth of questions.
In reality, the female orgasm is not complicated once you understand it but unfortunately there are many misconceptions. Therefore, we hand-picked a few common myths for our doctors, Dr Ida Ismail-Pratt and Dr Lim Min Yu, to debunk and share with you.
Before we dive into the various myths surrounding female orgasms, we should define what an orgasm actually is. An orgasm is a feeling of intense pleasure that happens during sexual activity. This feeling is usually accompanied by rhythmic contractions of the genital muscles. During an orgasm, your heart rate will increase, and your brain will release hormones that make you feel happy and content.
Now that you know what an orgasm is, here are 5 of the most common myths.
1. There is only 1 type of female orgasm.
Rather than talking about types of orgasm, we should instead reshape the conversation to the different ways an orgasm can be achieved. There are many different parts of the body which are sensitive to stimulation as they have lots of nerve endings. Stimulating the following areas can result in orgasm:
Often, it is a combination of these different areas being stimulated that result in an orgasm. It is also important to note that there are erogenous zones specific to each lady.
2. Good sex means you and your partner both have had an orgasm.
Having an orgasm is an incredible sensation, but it should not be the singular goal of sex. Having sex can still be a satisfying and relaxing experience regardless of whether it results in orgasms.
Sex is not just about pleasure but also about connection between you and your partner. Orgasms can just be seen as a lovely byproduct.
3. You need an orgasm to get pregnant.
This is true for the male. He needs to ejaculate, which is part of the male orgasm, in order for the lady to become pregnant. However, for ladies, it is not a requirement for you to have an orgasm to fall pregnant. However, there are plenty of good reasons to have an orgasm!
An orgasm is fun, pleasurable, and an excellent stress buster. However, if you become fixated on having an orgasm, both you and your partner may feel under pressure. This can lead to you having difficulty achieving orgasm, adding frustration to your babymaking.
The best way to improve your chances of orgasm during sex is to try and enjoy intimate time with your partner. No goals, no pressured-orgasms, no guilt. If you have an orgasm, that is great but if not, it is okay, too.
4. Everyone orgasms so there is something wrong with me if I do not orgasm.
If you cannot or do not orgasm, the most important thing to know is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are no less capable of having a healthy and full sex life.
There is a small group of women who are unable to achieve an orgasm and this can be caused by the following factors:
- Medications such as antidepressants
- A history of trauma
- Changes that occur at different life stages (for example menopause, weight loss or gain, stress at work, etc.)
- Unknown reasons (frustratingly)
The good news is that there are things you can do to try and make having an orgasm easier. The first step is to ask yourself some questions and do some homework to figure out what works for you. We all have our own individual quirks, preferences, and abilities in the bedroom, and that’s more than okay. As long as the sex you’re having is consensual and safe, you are doing it right.
5. Orgasms feel the same to everyone.
This common misconception is perpetuated by TV shows and movies. They tend to set unrealistic expectations for orgasms, especially in women.
The psychological experience of an orgasm can vary, depending on factors such as how aroused or excited you are, whether there are any distractions, or how much pressure you feel to reach orgasm. Even though the same thing is happening to your body physically, the way it feels can be different based on all these factors. Orgasms aren’t always “fireworks” amazing: it might be something as ordinary as, “oh that felt nice”.
The experience differs from lady to lady so when you compare notes with your girlfriends, keep this in mind! No two bodies are the same.
There’s no shame in discussing female sexual wellness.
By debunking some of these common myths, Dr Ida and Dr Lim hope to have made it easier to discuss female sexual wellness. There’s no reason for female orgasms to be considered a taboo topic as they can bring a lot of pleasure into your life!
The one key message our doctors hope all ladies remember is that sex is not just about having orgasms and it is perfectly normal not to achieve one. Not all orgasms are the same. It is unrealistic to expect any type of stimulation to elicit the same experience every time. Orgasms are just one of the many important elements of sexual satisfaction.
If you have any concerns, you can make an appointment with your gynae, who will be able to help you determine if there is a problem, and if so, what can be done to help.
*Content is republished with permission from SMG Women's Health.