Mom rage is an issue that many women face. Although it has many mental and physical health implications on both you and your children, it isn't talked enough about.
Image Source: Shutterstock, Microba Grandioza
Parenting can really test one’s limits and while you might be doing your best to stay calm, there can be times where you just can't control your anger. Lockdowns showed how easily parenting can make one cross their tipping point. Even if you previously never had temper issues, a whiny child with 10 daily meltdowns can easily enrage even the most patient mothers. You'll need a lot of mental strength to stay calm and composed when facing the difficulties of motherhood.
The impact of mom rage
Anger is a normal feeling but when you’re dealing with a toddler, expressing your anger by throwing a tantrum probably won’t teach them anything. In the heat of the moment, flying into a rage might make you do things you aren’t particularly proud of. Simply appearing to be out of order in front of your children is enough to make you feel mom shame and that you should set a better example. If you have young children, raging can scare them and teach them to act impulsively. As for older children, frequent raging might make it too normalized for them to notice abusive behaviour from others.
Why are you angry?
Have you ever asked yourself why you’re always raging? Have you just grown to have a short temper from years of mothering? When it reaches the point that you're screaming at your toddler although they’re just doing child things like spilling their food, don't accept that your short temper has become part of your personality. Mother's rage is a real thing and can be solved. It stems from repeatedly stifling your anger and frustration from the a everyday stress of a mother. One or two events of your daughter refusing to eat her food or whining might seem like nothing, but if the repeats over a hundred occasions, all the tiny bouts of annoyance you feel may culminate into an impending melt-down. Know that this can bed fixed, and it starts with identifying the root cause.
Identifying your triggers can help you understand why you’re angry so often. Triggers could be literally anything. In fact, they could be totally unrelated to your children’s actions. If you’re having trouble noticing a pattern then jot down what happens every time you start raging then look closer for specific triggers. Sometimes, a noisy house is just too much after a long tiring workday. If your children aren't listening that too could be a trigger.
As a mother, you might be so busy caring for everyone else you might forget your own needs. Sleep, nutrition, unprocessed emotions or any other unmet needs can trigger rage. Each one of these needs might not trigger raging on its own but having many unmet needs pushes you closer towards your tipping point.
Coping with mom rage
Once you’ve identified what your triggers are, the next step is working on your rage. When it comes to dealing with your triggers, deal with the ones you can control. For example, if you notice that noise after coming from work is your trigger then a pair of earplugs might do the trick if your children are old enough to stay unattended or if someone else is looking out for them. Other triggers you could deal with are unmet needs, feeling overwhelmed and that you don't have any support. You can also try exercising or meditating to calm you down whenever you feel like exploding.
Raging is bad for both you and your child's mental and physical health. Raging can also impact your physical well-being by increasing your chances of having a heart attack or conditions like low blood pressure.
Know that although not many mothers talk openly about mom rage, it’s a real and common issue. Try talking to someone who can relate to you or seek professional help if needed!